This is me, Yasmine!

On the seventeenth day of aggression on the Strip, we continue a long journey of looking for a safe place inside or outside our home. You see, after we received messages stressing that we leave our homes and head to the south, we believed that the south is truly the safe place! But after we headed south, we discovered for ourselves that there is really no safe place in Gaza! We are targets for this fascist occupation wherever we were. We then decided to go back home, telling each other “We are dead, either way. Better to die in our homes, for at least then people would know we rose as martyrs. But outside our homes, we may die and nobody will know we passed.” For this reason, we came back home. My husband, Mohammad, has been preoccupied with keeping me in the house. He wants to protect me from any danger that may hurt me. You see, Mohammad and I have a strong and special bond. With our love for each other, we had barely survived the loss of our baby Sofia, just a month before these attacks started. Sofia turned into an angel, days before her first birthday because the hospitals in Gaza did not have the proper equipment to care for a baby born pre-maturely. Our best was not enough to keep her alive. Now, Mohammad wants to do all he can to keep me safe. So he looked for a place he thought may be the least dangerous, and so he decided on under the stairs. He made me a safe “Staircase House” to protect me from any of the rockets of the brute occupation that could hit any time. I keep by me a bag with important papers and some money, and I have another bag with essential clothing, knowing very well that if an emergency happened and we had to leave suddenly, I will carry none of it! But simply having them next to me gives me a sense of safety. You know how they say “we have to secure ourselves”. I don’t know what to secure ourselves from in this case, with these bags, if we lost our homes or our families! Will any safety remain afterwards, anyway?!

I run to seek refuge in my safe staircase house every time I hear the sound of a falling missile, horrified that this may be the moment that would end our lives! Although I know very well that if any of these missiles fell on us, there will be no safe place, and even this little safe house of mine will disappear!

Yasmine Ayoub
HP at UPA
23 Oct, 2023

سلسلة عن تجارب اخصائيين نفسيين تحت القصف – القصة الاولى

!هذه انا، ياسمين

في اليوم السابع عشر من العدوان الموجه على القطاع، نكمل رحلة طويلة في البحث عن مكان امن سواء في بيتنا او خارج البيت. فنحن بالمناسبة وبعد ان تلقينا رسائل بضرورة ترك منازلنا والتوجه الى الجنوب اعتقدنا ان الجنوب هو فعلا المكان الامن! ولكن وبعد توجهنا الى الجنوب فعلا اكتشفنا بانفسنا انه لا مكان امن فعلا في غزة! نحن هدف لهذا الاحتلال الفاشي اينما كنا

قررنا حينها العودة الى البيت وكانت على السنتنا دائما جملة “احنا ميتين ميتين، نموت في بيوتنا احسن على الاقل لو متنا ببيوتنا الناس يعرفوا انه احنا استشهدنا، لكن برة بيوتنا يمكن نموت وما حد يعرف اصلا انه متنا.”

لهذا السبب عدنا. بقي زوجي محمد يشعر برغبة في وضعي داخله كي يحميني من اي خطر ممكن ان يلحق بي! انا ومحمد بيننا رابط قوي ومميز جدا. بحبنا الشديد لبعضنا، بالكاد تخطينا خسارة طفلتنا الحبيبة صوفيا، حوالي الشهر قبل بدء هذا العدوان. صوفيا تحولت الى ملاك بضعة ايام قبل عيد ميلادها الاول لان مستشفيات غزة لم تملك المعدات المطلوبة للاعتناء .بالاطفال الخدج. افضل ما عندنا لم يكن كافيا لابقائها على قيد الحياة. والان محمد يفعل كل ما بوسعه لابقائي امنة

لذلك بحث عن مكان اعتقد هو انه الأكثر امانا بالبيت. وقرر انه ما نسميه “بيت الدرج” وصنع لي منه بيت امن يحميني اذا سقطت احد صواريخ الاحتلال الغاشم في اي وقت. اضع جانبي حقيبة شخصية احمل فيها اوراقي المهمة وبعض النقود، واحمل شنطة اخرى بها بعض الملابس الضرورية. واعلم انني وان حدث طارئ واضطررنا لمغادرة البيت لن احمل معي شيء منها لكن مجرد وجودها جانبي يشعرني بالامان. تعلمون ما يقال دائما “لازم نكون مأمنين حالنا” لا اعلم من ماذا نؤمن !انفسنا بهذه الحقائب ان فقدنا بيوتنا او اهلنا! هل سيبقى امان اصلا بعدها

اهرع دائما لأختبئ في بيتي الامن كلما سمعت صوت صاروخ يسقط خوفا ان تكون هذه اللحظة التي ستنهي حياتنا! مع العلم انني اعرف جل المعرفة انه حتى ولو سقطت احد هذه الصواريخ علينا لن يكون اي مكان امن حتى بيتي الصغير هذا !سيتلاشى

ياسمين ايوب

UPA  اخصائية نفسية في – غزة

٢٣ تشرين اول ٢٠٢٣

About Mental Health Professionals Under Attack

Dr. Dinah Ayna, a clinical psychologist and mental health consultant and a member of UPA’s International Advisory Board, has been supporting our Healing through Feeling team in Gaza since 2018 and continues to support those she can reach throughout this war. Two weeks into the recent aggression against Gaza, Dr. Ayna agreed with different mental health professionals inside and outside UPA on the importance of sharing their stories with the world. The professionals wrote their experiences in Arabic, and Dr. Ayna then edited, translated, and sent the stories back for final approval from the original authors before sharing. Authors also sent pictures that were edited to protect their identities and published, with approval, along with the stories. Nicknames were given to those who did not want to be identified.