Yasmine here… miraculously spared by the angel of death after the shelling of the past few days, next to which we had never seen before. 

I had told you before about my safe house “under the staircase”, and I would like to update you about that. I left my safe house 3 days ago because it is no longer safe. A house across from us was targeted and that bombing seriously damaged our home. We thank God that we are breathing and as the popular proverb goes: “in wealth and not people”!

Today, Mohammad, my husband, went to check on the house and the damage incurred in the last shelling. He first went into our beloved baby Sofia’s room, the little birdy of my heart. I kept her toys and clothes, and her oxygen concentrators that gave me a few additional months of her life… and the memory book that I had started for her since the first day she lived inside of me! I insisted on going to check on them everyday, and smell her in them. Today, Mohammad went to find nothing in place! A shattered window. Dirt and sand filling up the place. When we fled the house, I could take nothing except her favourite toy with me. That toy is always with me, even in my normal days, inseparable from me. 

I felt my heart sink when my husband sent me the picture of the room! The smell of dust and gunpowder overshadowed Sofia’s smell in the place… her toys scrambled here and there… and the memory book full of dirt and gunpowder! I miss her so much. I miss visiting and talking to her. I weep everyday longing for her. 

The thought of death used to terrify me, but not anymore, for perhaps I can meet my only sanctuary and my eternal love, Sofia, without fear or pain… 

Yasmine Ayoub
MHP at UPA – Gaza, Palestine
29 October 2023

حياة من قلب الموت:

سلسلة عن تجارب اخصائيين نفسيين تحت القصف – القصة السابعة

هنا ياسمين… وقد عفا عني ملاك الموت بأعجوبة بعد القصف العنيف الذي لم نرى له مثيلًا في الليالي السابقة.

أخبرتكم مسبقًا عن بيتي الآمن الذي يقطن في “بيت الدرج” وأود اعطاءكم تحديثًا بهذا الخصوص. لقد تركت بيتي الآمن منذ ٣ أيام لانه لم يعد آمنا الآن. تم استهداف بيت مقابل لبيتنا وخلّف هذا الأمر اضرارًا كبيرة في منزلنا. نحمد الله اننا بخير ومثلما يقول المثل الشعبي: “بالمال مش بالعيال”!

اليوم ذهب زوجي محمد ليتفقد البيت وما خلفه القصف الأخير من اضرار. دخل بداية لغرفة طفلتي الحبيبة صوفيا، عصفورة قلبي. احتفظ بالعابها وملابسها وجهاز توليد الاكسجين الذي أمد لي في عمرها بضعة أشهر… ودفتر المذكرات الذي أدون لها به منذ اول يوم حملتها داخلي! داومت على أن اذهب كل يوم لاتفقدهم واتنفس رائحتها بهم. اليوم، ذهب محمد ولم يجد شيئًا على حاله! نافذة متطايرة. تراب ورمال يملؤون المكان. حين هرعنا من المنزل، لم استطع اخذ شيء الا لعبتها المفضلة معي. لعبتها التي لا تفارقني ابدا حتى في ايامي العادية، فهي دائما في صحبتي.

عندما ارسل لي زوجي صورة الغرفة شعرت وكأن قلبي اعتصر! رائحة الغبار والبارود غطت على رائحة صوفيا في المكان… العابها تناثرت هنا وهناك… ودفتر الذكريات اصبح مليئا بالتراب والبارود! اشتقت اليها كثيرا. افتقد زيارتها والحديث معها. ابكي يوميا شوقا لها.

كانت تخيفني فكرة الموت مسبقا، لكنها لم تعد كذلك الآن، علني التقي بملاذي الوحيد وحبي الباقي الى الابد، حبيبتي صوفيا، دون خوف والم…

ياسمين ايوب

أخصائية نفسية في UPA – غزة، فلسطين

‎ ٢٩ تشرين اول ٢٠٢٣

About Mental Health Professionals Under Attack

Dr. Dinah Ayna, a clinical psychologist and mental health consultant and a member of UPA’s International Advisory Board, has been supporting our Healing through Feeling team in Gaza since 2018 and continues to support those she can reach throughout this war. Two weeks into the recent aggression against Gaza, Dr. Ayna agreed with different mental health professionals inside and outside UPA on the importance of sharing their stories with the world. The professionals wrote their experiences in Arabic, and Dr. Ayna then edited, translated, and sent the stories back for final approval from the original authors before sharing. Authors also sent pictures that were edited to protect their identities and published, with approval, along with the stories. Nicknames were given to those who did not want to be identified.